Living Intentionally: What 4 Years Taught Me About Choosing Myself

Four years ago, I recorded my first podcast episode titled “Introduction to TAO Intentions.” Back then, I didn’t know exactly where this journey would take me—I only knew I wanted to live with purpose. What started as an intention became a transformation. My podcast eventually evolved into Orchid Blooms, and so did I. Looking back now, I see just how much I’ve grown, how many illusions I had to let go of, and how deeply living intentionally changed every area of my life. I’m not who I was. And I’m proud of that.

What I Gained from Living Intentionally

Clarity in Chaos

Living intentionally gave me the ability to see through the noise. In the middle of confusion, betrayal, or setbacks, I was able to identify what truly matters: my peace, my purpose, and my personal growth. I no longer chase what distracts me—I protect what fulfills me.

Stronger Boundaries

There was a time when I couldn’t say “no” without guilt or fear of losing people. Now, I set boundaries without apology. Living intentionally taught me that saying “no” to others often means saying “yes” to myself. I don’t owe anyone access to my energy, especially when that access was once used to deplete me.

Deeper Self-Awareness

This journey forced me to sit with myself. I learned what triggers me, what drains me, and what heals me. I don’t move through life unconsciously anymore—I recognize my patterns and interrupt them. I don’t

Freedom from People-Pleasing

I stopped shrinking myself to make others comfortable. I no longer contort myself to be digestible to those who only valued me when I stayed quiet, agreeable, and small. Living intentionally taught me that people-pleasing is just self-betrayal in disguise. I’ve reclaimed my voice—and with it, my power.

Emotional Discipline

There was a time I would’ve used my voice to burn it all down. But now, I know that not everything deserves my reaction. Even now, as I prepare to speak my truth in the final episode of this podcast journey, I refuse to do it from a place of rage. That is what emotional maturity looks like. That’s not weakness—it’s controlled fire. That’s strength choosing peace over revenge.

Righteous Anger

I won’t lie—there’s still anger in me. The kind that wants justice, not closure. The kind that wants the people who harmed me to finally face themselves and feel the consequences they tried to avoid. I’ve been silent for too long. Living intentionally didn’t erase my pain—it revealed just how deep it ran. And while I may not respond in destruction, don’t confuse my composure for forgiveness. Some people deserve exactly what’s coming to them. I just no longer feel the need to deliver it myself.

What It Cost Me to Live This Way

Loneliness in Growth

Not everyone could come with me—and that’s something I had to accept. Growth will strip away people, comforts, and old patterns that once felt like home. And while I no longer feel alone, I did have to walk through a season of loss to reach this clarity.

Harsh Realizations

Some people never truly valued me. They just benefited from my confusion, my silence, and my self-doubt. Realizing that hurt more than I can explain—but it also set me free. I don’t miss what I lost. I only grieve the time I gave to people who never deserved it.

Delayed Gratification

Living intentionally is not about quick wins—it’s a long game. There were decisions I had to make that felt hard in the moment but were right for my future. I had to bet on myself before the results were visible. I’m now starting to see the return.

Emotional Labor

There were moments I wanted to act from pain—lash out, retaliate, burn it all down. But I held myself accountable. I didn’t want to become what hurt me. It took everything in me to respond from purpose instead of rage. That wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

Being Misunderstood

People saw my boundaries and called them bitterness. They saw my silence and labeled it arrogance. They don’t know the pain it took to become this self-aware. They don’t know how many nights I spent choosing not to stoop to their level. I stopped participating in dysfunction just to make others feel comfortable—and I have no regrets about that.

Karma Isn’t Mine to Deliver

This has been the hardest part: knowing that justice is coming, but not being the one to serve it. I know exactly what they did, and I know what they deserve. Trusting that the universe, God, or karma will handle it—without me getting my hands dirty—has tested me deeply. But even that, I’m learning to surrender.

Struggling to Let Go

Letting go is still a work in progress. I wish I could say I’ve completely moved on—but I haven’t. I’m still angry. I still feel the weight of what happened. But I’m also still choosing myself. That’s what matters most. I don’t need to have it all figured out to keep walking forward.

I used to feel lonely in my growth. Now, I feel powerful in my solitude.
My cutoff game got stronger because awareness sharpened my discernment.
Not everyone deserved access. Not everyone could grow with me. And not everyone should.
What I once saw as loss, I now recognize as divine redirection.
I’m no longer here to be understood by everyone, I’m here to be aligned with my purpose.